the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
