It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
