My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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