I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
