sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I had to cum in my sink.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
