I want you more than these girls want KFC
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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