I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
