Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
