Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
how drunk are you?
Several
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
