OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
