I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
