Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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