It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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