I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
