you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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