Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
