i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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