I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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