well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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