Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
