I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
