My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
