I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize