I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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