she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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