I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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