I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
