i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
