So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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