my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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