i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
