maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
