I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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