Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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