We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
