you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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