Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
