I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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