I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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