i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
