will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
