I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
