I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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