I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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