I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize