i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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