garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
