I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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