So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
