If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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