So drunk its hurt
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
