Im at strip club and am horny
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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