i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
