when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
