i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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