I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
