I just made out with a guy for $7.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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