This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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