I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
