If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
