Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You left your underwear on the fireplace
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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