You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
