my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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