I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
