god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
