Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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