Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
