it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
