I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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