i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
