He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
