It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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