shes about as inviting as chlamydia
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
