The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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