Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I bet he comes in French.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
