i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize