He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
