she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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