I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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